Sister Black's Mother Passed Away

Hermana Black's mother, Donna Maxine Gardner, passed away on November 12, 2019.  I was asked to write and present her eulogy at her funeral.  Here is the written copy:

Eulogy for Donna Maxine Garner

Millions of years ago, I don’t know exactly how many and I’m not sure any human knows either, a man and a woman were born, met one another, fell in love and married in the new and everlasting covenant by one who had authority to do so.  These two lived on a planet much like this one.  They breathed the same kind of oxygen rich air mixture that we breath.  They had children.  They left their physical life and were judged just as we will be judged.  They were pronounced clean and were rewarded their Celestial glory. 

And then they commenced to create their own kingdom.  They found intelligences and formed them into living spirits.  They taught those spirits all the things they would need in order to survive on this earth upon which we live. Adam and Eve were the first of these spirits to experience a mortal existence.

Adam and Eve had many children who married, and who also had children.  Fast forward in this generation-by-generation account until July 17, 1932 when Donna Maxine Mills was born to Vernon Herbert Mills and Elda LaVon Boyle.

Maxine Mills lived on a farm owned by her grandparents in or near Loganville, Nevada with her parents and 7 sisters until 1944 when they moved to Needles, California.  Maxine’s father was an engineer on the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway Company based in Needles.  They lived in a little cottage near the railroad track. 

When Maxine was a in 9^th grade she was selected as a “substitute varsity cheer-leader”.  There came a time, during the year, when one of the regular cheerleaders could no longer continue, so Maxine substituted for a time but then was selected as a regular cheerleader for the rest of her time in High School.

After High School she went to Salt Lake City and attended L.D.S Business College.  She graduated as a clerk-typist and began to work as a stenographer for the John Deere tractor company in Salt Lake City.

Along the way she was asked to participate in a blind date set up by a friend.  Her date’s name was Dale Lee Gardner.

During our time together last night I asked about how Maxine and Dale were married.  While they were dating, Dale asked Maxine to marry him.  She didn’t love Dale at the time.  She went to her knees and prayed to Heavenly Father to find out what she should do.  She pleaded with him, “I don’t love him.”  She felt a distinct impression.  “You will,” Came the answer.  And she did. 

Maxine married Dale on December 1, 1950 in the Salt Lake Temple.  Then began a legacy that became the Gardner family.  Dale was a groceryman in Salt Lake City. 

In April of 1952, little baby Zelpha was born in Salt Lake City.

3 months later Dale was offered a job at Sunshine Grocery in Needles, California and the family moved.

In 1953, Randall was born in Needles and then

In 1955, Jim was born in Needles.  And then

In 1958, Tamra was born in Needles

Just 6 months after Tamra was born the family moved to Colton, California where Dale again worked as a produce grocer.

In 1959 Layne was born

In 1962 Vernon was born

In 1965 Ward was born

And finally, in 1966 Jana was born.

Life became officially hectic.  Along the way there were two miscarriages too.  So, 12 pregnancies in 14 years. It had to be a tough time for Maxine.

I visited with most of the children last night about their memories of their mother.

Randy told me that Maxine had a great sense of humor.  I’m guessing it was a defense against all the disorder that 8 children bring.  He told the following story.  If I mess it up Randy, you’ll have to forgive me.

In the back yard of their home there used to be a large fig tree.  It was great for climbing and the children were all the time climbing in that tree. Maxine didn’t like them climbing in the tree because she thought they would fall and get hurt. 

But, one time, Randy was in the tree and was attempting to climb down.  As he stepped down into a fork in the tree one foot slipped and he fell.  But the other foot got caught in a fork of the tree as he fell so, there he was upside down with one foot caught.  He began to scream as only a 9 or 10-year-old lad can do.  It seemed like nobody heard him, so he screamed even louder.  Eventually Maxine heard him and went running out of the house to see what the matter was. 

Randy was sure his mother would be mad about him climbing in the tree, but when she saw his predicament she began to laugh and laugh.  She told him she was going back into the house to get her camera.  She said she just had to get a picture of this.  Randy was annoyed and even offended by her seemingly uncaring attitude. 

Randy told me that now, looking back on the situation, it must have been funny to see her oldest son hanging upside down in the tree madly flinging his arms and free leg around attempting to get himself free.

There were rules in the Gardner house.  Jumping on the couch and living room chairs was forbidden.  Once, Randy was jumping on the couch and having a great time making a bunch of noise.  Maxine heard and knew what was going on and she stormed into the living room.  Randy just knew he was in for a licking, but instead Maxine just tickled him until he could hardly breath.  He said he was sure that she wanted to just clobber him, but something changed her mind and she went the other way instead.

During my visit with Randy, he told me that Maxine told him he was the smartest of her children.  “Well,” she said, Zelpha is smart too.  And so is Layne.”  She went through the whole family telling Ward that each of them was smart.  

Randy expressed a thought that none of the others noted.  As a young lad, he thought he didn’t get enough time with his mother.  He told me he was sure that she was just busy with all the children, but he felt he needed more time with her.  Over the past year and a half, as he has been the primary care person for Maxine, he has had the time he felt he needed so badly as a young man.

Tamra noted that Maxine would let her children play and get dirty.  They would dig great holes in the back yard and fill them up with water and play in the mud.  Maxine loved to swim, and she loved that the children liked to play in the water.  The only stipulation was that they had to rinse off with the garden hose before setting foot in the house.

Tamra also noted that Maxine was forever looking for free cultural events that she could take the children to see.  It was such that some of the more well-to-do children thought the Gardner family must be rich because of the things they did.  They were not rich.  Rather they were able to make do and find ways to expand their cultural education for little money.

Maxine decorated for every holiday.  The children all knew they would be expected to help.  During the Christmas season the families and those of Maxine’s siblings got together for a Christmas Party.  They had joke gifts and played a game with those joke gifts.  Then Santa Clause was invited to come and give gifts to the children.

Tamra also remembered that one time the Colton Meat Company was going out of business and were selling off their equipment.  She wound up with a plastic tub.  It was about  4’ x 4’ x 4’.  They filled it up with water and Maxine, Maxine’s mother and two sisters would climb in and enjoy a time together.

Tamra told me about a time when money was very tight.  Maxine would set food on the table for the children and Dale but, would fuss around the kitchen doing this and that until the children were finished and then she would sit down and eat whatever was left if any.  Many times, there would be nothing for her to eat. 

Maxine had a way of stretching food.  She would take a steak and cut it into 10 pieces so that each one of them would have a piece.  One time she had neglected to cut the last piece off and so there was a double portion.  Dale loved meat and he ate it before she could cut it so she would have a piece for herself.  Dale didn’t know it should have been divided but Maxine was mad and let him know about it.

The children never knew any of this until recently, when Maxine told Tamra about it.

The children told me that Maxine didn’t have a sense of smell.  She couldn’t tell when the food she was cooking was burning, so often they would eat what they called “burnt offerings”.

Maxine made all her children take piano lessons.  Some of them resented the piano lessons and quit as soon as they were permitted.  Others became quite proficient pianists.  For there to be money for piano lessons, Maxine did day care.  Without that additional money there would be no piano lessons. 

One of the families that used Maxine for babysitting was the Bowler family.  As a result, the two families became great friends.

Layne told me that those piano lessons began his love for music that translated to band music.  Music education became his profession.

Ward said he kind of resented having to take piano lessons, but now he loves playing the piano and he uses that talent in his life.

Maxine loved music, but most of all she loved Primary Music.  She told Tamra that her most favorite primary song is “My Heavenly Father Loves Me”, which will be sung by the grandchildren and great grandchildren in just a few minutes.

Jana told me her young memories of her mother was that she was always her Primary Chorister and her Young Women advisor.

Maxine served as Relief Society President more than once. 

She was Primary President at least once

Maxine loved a clean house.  Tamra told me that she thinks it was just natural for her to clean her house. 

The family went to Benny Creek every year for family vacation.  The idea was to learn to live in the wild, fish for food and enjoy nature for a week.  Maxine didn’t love camping.  But, she loved Dale and went even though it meant much more work for her.  It seemed like there was always a baby.  And that meant diapers.  It was before disposable diapers so cloth diapers had to be washed every day, by hand, and hung on rope lines tied between trees.  These were not vacations for Maxine.  These were double work for her.  But she endured it because Dale loved it.  She never fished herself, didn’t like to clean the fish either.  The children told me they were not even sure she liked eating fish either.

Zelpha told me that Maxine loved flowers and always had flowers around the house.  Mostly she loved roses and Sweet Peas.

My memories of Maxine are many.  I have known her for more than 50 years. 

I first came to know her as we played in a Stake Play together in 1967.  Then I again became acquainted with her as I began to court her oldest daughter, Zelpha.

When Zelpha and I became engaged, I spent much of my time in Maxine’s house becoming even more acquainted.

I never was able to bring myself to call her “mom”.  I never even called my own mother “mom”.  So, I called her “mother-in-law”.  Maxine seemed pleased enough with that.  Later, when we made her into a Grandma, that is what I called her.

I asked Maxine’s children how they considered their mother with regards to spirituality.  Their response was the following:

She loved the Lord

She loved her husband

She had an unwavering testimony

She wanted only to be what Heavenly Father wanted her to be.

She was saintly

She loved and cared for the lonely and left out

She taught her children the Gospel of Jesus Christ through her actions and her love.  She bore testimony to them often, but usually not formally.

I was reminded of the people she would invite to Sunday Dinner.  People who may have been friendless, or who had nobody to go home to.

In 1995 Maxine became a widow.  Dale died of bone cancer.  It was hard on Maxine.  She longed for the day that she could be with him again. Maxine was a widow for nearly 24 years.

In 2006, Maxine had a stroke.  It was not considered to be a bad one, but rather a “slight” stroke.  It didn’t rob her of the use of her limbs, but it made it hard for her to function well.  From that time her health became more and more frail.  She contracted Parkinson’s disease and had still more mini strokes. 

She started using a walker to get around the house and would sometimes still walk to church with the walker.  Then she graduated to a wheelchair and would go to church with it.  As time went on her health became more and more of an issue.  She couldn’t care for herself. 

In 2014 Zelpha moved in and cared for her for about 2 and a half years until Zelpha’s health also began to deteriorate and she could no longer do so.

In 2017 Randy and Tamra took over the caretaker duties with Randy being the primary caretaker.  Maxine’s health continued even worse. About two weeks ago she became less and less responsive.  She couldn’t take her medicine and could no longer swallow solid food.  She was placed on hospice care.

Then on November 12, just a few days ago, Randy went in to check on Maxine and found her unresponsive.  He called Ward in and they determined that she had passed away.

Donna Maxine Mills Gardner was born on July 17, 1932 to Vernon Herbert Mills and Elda LaVon Boyle Mills.

She married Dale Lee Gardner on December 1, 1950.

She passed from this life on November 12, 2019.

She was preceded in death by her husband, Dale Lee Gardner, both of her parents, 5 of her sisters and 1 granddaughter.  She is survived by 8 children:  Zelpha (Jim) Black, Randall Gardner, James (Cindy) Gardner, Tamra (Mark) Hetrick, Layne (Kenna) Gardner, Vernon Gardner, Ward Gardner, and Jana (Kurt) Williams, 20 grandchildren and many great grandchildren.

Dale and Maxine – The In-Laws

Dale and Maxine fell in love in September

Of 1950 and began their family that we all remember.

It was the beginning of every-day family life.

There was great joy, and love, and very little strife.

There were cats, dogs, birds, and even some fishes.

Poems were written while the kids washed dishes.

There were Proms, Scouts, Church and school.

And there were jobs to do, little time for the city pool.

There was Little League, Band and oh-so-much going on.

Eight children to raise, feed, clothe, and so on.

Through it all, Dale and Maxine let their love grow vast.

The children were growing and leaving the nest.

Four of the children were called by the Prophet to serve,

Which pleased Dale and Maxine, though it took much nerve.

Money was tight, but it was enough – to make it all work.

Each child knew he was loved and had great worth.

Some of their children also have children in this story.

21 grandchildren to expand Dale and Maxine’s glory.

Great grandchildren are coming, no telling the count.

Each one will know they are loved and will recount

To their own clan the stories told of Dale and Maxine

And the love that they share in Summer, Fall and Spring.

Dale passed beyond the veil some time back,

But his love for Maxine has never been slack.

She has been lonely, but she still knows

He’s waiting for her and his love still flows.